AITA for telling my husband not to have another beer?

A Reddit user shares a heated argument with her husband about his drinking habits, which she believes are excessive and potentially harmful, especially with a young child in the picture. After asking him to skip another beer, the confrontation spiraled into a fight, with her husband accusing her of being controlling. Read her full story below and weigh in!

‘ AITA for telling my husband not to have another beer?’

My husband (M40) drinks a lot. I don’t think he’s an a**oholic but he drinks and smokes weed every day. Most days he probably has maybe 3-5 beers (often strong IPAa) and some days way more than that, especially if he’s with friends.

He came home from work last night and we were just hanging out talking in the kitchen and he had 3 beers in a less than an hour. He also had at least one right when he got off work and smoked weed on top of it. His eyes were glassy, his face was red, he was slurring a little and I could just tell he was half in the bag.

So when he went to crack the 4th one I said something to the effect of — come on, you don’t need another beer — and he blew up and we got into a huge fight. He says I shouldn’t care and that I’m the only person who thinks there’s anything wrong with it. He doesn’t think it affects his health or makes him act different. I disagree.

He turns it into that I’m just a nag who gets off on telling him what to do and that I’m the problem. We have a 6 year old so part of what worries me is that he’s going to end up with negative consequences, which is not fair to our son.

I also worry that he’s setting a bad example and showing my son that this is a normal amount to drink regularly. Or maybe I am just overreacting and it’s fine? Am I being the a**hole and should just shut up and let him drink as much as he wants without commenting on it?

See what others had to share with OP:

byrandomchance20 −  Your husband is absolutely an a**oholic and you are correct to be concerned about having your son in a home around that behavior. I’m so sorry. Whatever comes next won’t be easy. You’re NTA and don’t let him manipulate you into thinking otherwise.

TempyIsMyName −  Uh… NTA…. but honestly, your husband IS an a**oholic and you need to get him to realize and get with some program – or get your son and yourself outta there.

jrallen7 −  The CDC defines “heavy drinking” as 15 drinks per week for a man. Your husband is well in excess of that if he’s drinking 3-5 every day (that’s 21 35 per week). That level of drinking sustained over a long period of time is almost certain to have health effects, so you’re right to be worried. NTA.

Lobster-mom −  NTA and according to the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and A**oholism) your husband qualifies as a heavy alcohol user on his low end of the drinking spectrum (5 or more drinks a day or 15+ drinks a week for males) and binge drinker on his high end of the drinking spectrum (5+ drinks a day for males).

His anger/defensiveness can also be a sign of addiction/a**oholism and I would absolutely proceed with getting help for you and your child and/or trying to get him to see that he needs help.

goldentone −  *

ladyfeyrey −  my cousin died of liver failure from alcohol abuse at age 44. His daily beverage? Beer. That much beer, that consistently, it is a problem.

SkinnyPig45 −  Nta. Your husband is an a**oholic. From an a**oholic. Ho won’t stop till he wants to

khendr352 −  Your husband is addicted to alcohol and weed. Horrible example for a child. I would leave. This could move him to change but probably not. You will need to accept that.

waterscorp −  Find yourself an Al-Anon meeting and go. Your husband has a drinking and substance abuse problem. Just because he’s in denial doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You will find people in similar circumstances at Al-anon.

You can stay with or leave your husband, that’s your choice to make, but you need to get some help to navigate this. Good luck to you. There is help out there, you just have to find it.

A very wise person once told me, “You cannot affect change on anyone but yourself.” This is so very true. You can’t change him or force him to admit he has a problem, but you can help both yourself and your child. Good luck OP. 🫶🏻

EmbarrassedRaccoon34 −  As the widow of an a**oholic, your husband has a problem. I didn’t acknowledge my husband’s a**oholism until after he died at age 40. Please seek help for both of you, but understand that ultimately you can only control your own actions.

Is the user justified in expressing concern about her husband’s drinking habits, especially with a child involved, or is she overreacting and being controlling? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!