AITA for telling my son it’s a good thing he’s pretty?

A father, who has four children with varied career paths, recently upset his son with a degree in Dance by saying, “It’s a good thing you’re pretty.” The son was struggling to plan his future and sought advice from both parents, who reinforced rules about becoming self-sufficient.

The father’s comment, intended as encouragement, was taken to mean the son should rely on his looks rather than pursue meaningful work. Now, the son and his other mother are angry, feeling the father undermined his potential. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my son it’s a good thing he’s pretty? ‘

My wife and I have four kids. The first two are a welder and a doctor. My middle son just graduated with a degree in Dance. Our youngest is studying engineering. My son is still living at home trying to figure out his future.

We were talking about it and he said he wants to move out so he can live how he wants instead of by my insane rules. Those rules are 1. Be self supporting after you graduate. 2. Help with chores as long as you live at home. 3. Don’t have s** I can hear. Those are too much for him.

He went to my wife and said that he wanted some help so he could move out. She backed my rules. She also expects him to get a job, help around the house, and not expose us to the orgasms of his partners. Or his own for that matter. He came back to me asking how I expected him to make a living.

We had both talked to him about getting a degree that had more prospects and maybe doing a minor in dance. Our daughter who is a doctor did her undergrad in music. But she also took premed classes and rocked her MCAT. He says that he didn’t want to do that. He wants me to tell him what to do.

I am just kind of lost. So I told him it’s a good thing he’s pretty. All I meant is that he is a tall, athletic, handsome young man. With a degree. He can find an entry level position and work his way up. Many successful people have.

He took it to mean that I thought he should marry well and be a kept man. His other mom and him are pissed at me for undervaluing his potential. I think I was being realistic.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ParsimoniousSalad −  ESH. I took your comment to mean you thought he should be a model. Either way it’s unclear communication. But he’s the one who needs to up his game – you don’t need to major in something to get a job in it. He should be in touch with his college career center for help.

flickanelde −  Hey, hey, hey… let’s not completely discount marrying well and being a kept man.

BargainHunter333 −  Tell him to move to NYC and try to get on Broadway as a dancer. Or on a cruise ship. Or Disney. Or Vegas. Or Branson. Or Atlantic City. These are venues where dancers work. He should be attempting to get a job as a dancer. Or teach dance lessons.

There are dance schools in cities everywhere. Why is he not even trying to get a job as a dancer? Did he think you were going to house/feed/support him forever? Or apply to sell cars. People like to buy cars from a good looking man.

Or get a part time job flipping burgers and do one of the online abbreviated teaching degrees so he can teach phy ed or theatre or something. Seriously he needs to be a little creative here. He had his fun for 4 years. Now it’s crunch time. Someone mentioned modeling.

Get some head shots done and send them out but do other things while waiting. Make him a list every day of places to apply to if he can’t figure it out. Seriously this is ridiculous. Either get a job doing anything, look for a job using dancing, get a part time job and continue with school this time with a degree that will get you a job. Life isn’t that hard.

Tiny_despots −  It’s always been my understanding when someone says this that they are basically saying they’re stupid in a sarcastic way. It might have been taken that way…

MaxHowe −  NTA. Kid is finished college and asking you how you can expect him to make a living. He’s the one that has conceded a lack of potential. You’re giving him hope.

omeomi24 −  NTA – WHAT ‘potential’? He doesn’t know what he wants – he had the opportunity for an education and chose to study ‘dance’. Is he a dancer? Is this a passion – something he’s good at? He could sell dance equipment or promote dance schools or work on dance productions, etc etc etc.

Or he can stay home, be the ‘do nothing’ son and live off you for his adult years. You have really easy rules – if that’s too much for him – he needs to move out and taste the real world for a while. What did he plan to do while he was studying dance?

No_Lavishness_3206 −  NTA. It’s been shown that attractive tall people have the advantage at corporate jobs. 

Abject_Director7626 −  So he’s mad you’re undervaluing his potential, but can’t name said potential and wants you to just tell him what to do? My suggestion would be he start teaching dance. NTA

girlwcaliforniaeyes −  ESH I feel like we’re not getting the full story from you. You listed off your other kids accomplishments and compared them to your other child. Do you do that frequently? Because I wouldn’t feel very valued if I was compared to my siblings all the time.

Being told “why can’t you be more like ____,” isn’t helpful. It doesn’t matter if your other kids are rocket scientists or work at a convenience store. What are you hoping to achieve by comparing him to other people? Then you proceeded to say “you’re lucky you’re pretty.”

Maybe this isn’t universal but whenever I’ve heard that term used, it basically implies that you’re lucky you’re cute because you just did something really stupid. Now even if that’s not your intended message, I would never have taken that to mean what you’re saying.

Nobody would assume that to mean that he should get an entry level job and work his way up. Because those things are not related. You’ve laid out simple rules but I have a hard time believing you’re being truthful since you’re not even being truthful in your post…

Was the father’s attempt at humor unfairly dismissive, or just tough love? Share your thoughts below!